The conundrum that I’m also sure a lot of people face or get criticised and shamed about.
I’ve always thought of myself to be a nice person, especially after some life-changing situations that made me realise and appreciate the people that are close to me are my life. Having never had a big or sociable family life, I’ve come to see my friends as my family and I’m so lucky to have them. I think these life-changing situations have also made me a nicer and more aware person to those people that might also be struggling. Do you need some sugar after you’ve cut your arm open and are bleeding in the ED? Sure, please have my chocolate bar. Do you need some spare change or directions? Sure, let me help how I can. Ironically, having a devastating thing happen to me has made me more aware and conscious of those around me, friends or strangers. Which I think is a good thing for me. But when did being a nice person become such a bad quality?
I’m sure anyone else who genuinely hates conflict and craves peace, a ‘lover’, would have been through some of the following situations with the ‘fighters’ of the world:
Why don’t you speak up for yourself? You need to get angry? You’re a doormat. Don’t you have any guts? Why do you let people treat you like this? Why do you even want to be friends with them? You’re a follower. You just want to keep everyone happy.
I’ll tell you why… it’s because when you’re a ‘lover’, doing any or all of these things is ultimately going to make you more anxious and upset about a situation than being content and at peace. To me I think, what is the actual point of fighting with your friends, partners, romantic interests etc? It just makes me feel worse so why would I do it? I would hate having to walk down a street and see or run into someone I had ‘beef’ with. I don’t need or crave that added stress or drama in my life. I know social conflict is obviously a fact of life and I don’t judge any ‘fighters’ for being who they are, because they need that in their lives, so don’t judge me because I don’t need that in my life!
Should I correct that heading to be ‘hater’? I already feel like there’s something wrong with this title. For me it’s relevant in a social sense – when it comes to an issue at work or a bit of road rage, a bit of ‘fighter’ in me does definitely come out. And I’m also a ‘fighter’ within myself.
Being a ‘lover’ doesn’t make me or you a weak person, just as someone who is a ‘fighter’ isn’t always a strong person. A fighter might believe they are getting further in life and getting things done by being angry, impatient and rude, but at the end of the day we’re all going to get there eventually and sometimes even the ‘doormats’ of the world might get a fast-track by being nice. It’s all ok! I just wish more people would understand that.
Til soon, Em