Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got an amazing bunch of friends who have been my absolute saviours over the past few months. They’ve been my family, people I can turn to for fun, to cry to or for advice. But you can still feel extremely alone. And you can’t live your life literally constantly surrounded by friends and distractions. These are amazing ways to get through the bad times but when you do find yourself actually alone, you’ll come crashing down.
A lot of the time, I wish I had someone that would cuddle me in bed at night and tell me it’s going to be ok…but I don’t. When you hope for something like that and it just doesn’t happen it can be easy to have a good hard look at yourself and say, what’s wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not skinny enough? Am I a boring person or a wet blanket? Have I got too much baggage? Believe me, I’ve done this more times than I can count. It hurts like hell. What I’ve come to the realisation though lately, is that I need to be that person for myself, because I can’t bank on fate intervening and everything turning out in the end. The world is cruel and unfortunately it doesn’t necessarily work like that.
Sometimes you need to step back and tell yourself that it’s going to be ok and accept that you can only rely on yourself to make you feel better. While I’m all for tough love when it comes to looking at yourself, if you’re in a bad place you should be able to give yourself a pat on the back for just getting through the day, let alone getting things done and proactively doing something to help yourself and others. Easier said than done – I know from personal experience! But the more you keep telling yourself this and trying, the easier it becomes. I hope to be able to get to that stage where I naturally think like that, without double guessing or giving it a second thought.
I guess what I’m ultimately trying to say here is that you need to try to be ok with being alone. Embrace it even – the peace, the silence, being able to do exactly what you want to do.
Til soon, Em