Sure there’s the shock phase, the sadness phase, the anxiety phase… but what about the phase when you’ve quite simply had enough. I think I’ve reached that point.
There’s only so many times that you can laugh life off as ‘why does this shit keep happening to me?’ before it’s not even funny anymore.
I was actually joking with my brother last Sunday about what shit could possibly thrown at us that coming week. Low and behold, here comes a cyclone that is financial planning, nursing home dramas, legal matters, an emotional breakdown and for the cherry on the top, learning that your Dad’s been referred to palliative care. Like honestly, what the actual shit?! It is just too much for one person to deal with while trying to maintain their own life, working, health-wise and socially.
I’ve got a to-do list the length of an anaconda and it feels like every time you cross one thing off, about 5 more get added to it. When is the time going to come when I actually feel in control of my life again?
To make matters worse, having to deal with Dad’s anger, frustration and general unpleasantness has been a kick in the guts! Being made to feel like absolute shit because you’ve taken control of things with mum, the finances, legal stuff, the dog and things to be done around the house is the pits. No mate, I’m not trying to take over your life, nor am I giving up on you just yet, but someone’s gotta do these things and right now it can’t be you when you can barely move a few metres from your hospital bed.
What I’d appreciate most of all from Dad is a little appreciation for what us as his kids are having to deal with right now. Yes we’re adults and capable of looking after ourselves, but at the same time we’re also dealing with the loss of our mother and the quite potential loss of our father within a few months. It’s crap for us to have to watch him go through this, but it’s even crapper when you cop abuse for just trying to help. And I’m actually at the point now when I’ve had enough of it!
Now I’ve got to listen to the wise words of Mark Manson and realise that while I’ve actually had enough, all of this is (hopefully) going to make me stronger, and hopefully result in something good. Well, we shall see.
Til soon, Em